Ever Feel Out of Step?

While wandering around, looking for something ( I cannot remember what), I spotted this glaring error on a wall of stuff for sale. It may not be a mistake, it could be an attention getting device. We can give the merchant the benefit of the doubt, I guess. In any case, this avatar was all alone, hanging upside down.

When I grabbed the snapshot, I thought that it would make a short, funny blog entry. Then a few days went by, and I'd forgotten all about it. Today, while looking at my photographs found this one.

It must have been fate! This is kind of how I felt yesterday and today. Upside down in a right side up universe. Nothing big happened. No gut wrenching conversations. It began yesterday at a mentor's meeting. Sitting across the table from me was one of the older residents of SL. A man who has been mentoring for ages. A person who has the ear of the Lindens. I started to feel inadequate. I typed in several comments for the discussion, and deleted them all. Finally at the end, I had a thought to share, and when I did, it fell like a snowflake in the dead of winter, quiet and ignored. Not one person present said a word about it. And I could feel my confidence begin to shrink away.

Then, later on, a friend replied to an email, and clearly I had not communicated well. Or, she chose to reinterpret my words in a way that would alter the course of action proposed. I felt frustrated. This morning I've been in my backyard wondering how in the hell I'm going to get control over it! The damn weeds, the overgrown bushes, tree limbs that have to be cut back... its a very long list.

I'm overwhelmed, and feeling like that avatar, upside down in a right side up world.

I'm not sad, alone, scared, or overly emotional about all of this. It happens to everyone at times. That sneaky feeling that we simply are not good enough. A good laugh, a decent idea and all will be well. Hell, even Mr. Highly-Experienced-Mentor has to have his moments. In fact, I'm convinced that he is too far removed from being a new mentor to really appreciate our need for confidence building support. (A wiki post cannot solve that problem).

In fact, damn it, I'm feeling so much better after writing this, I'm going to implement my idea! If it fails, so what! At least I will have given it a go! And, I think it might be successful. After all, even when I'm not feeling confident, I think I'm good at inspiring confidence in others!

Hey, I can feel blood rushing to my toes! Thanks guys, just being able to talk with you via this blog has helped! What great friends you are!

HJ